An Open Letter to my Dad on Father's Day

Being told I looked like you began at an early age. It was a natural thing to say when Steven looked so much like the milkman's, but I digress. It frustrated me, as one would expect for every kid growing up. Little did I know that while I was silently brooding over the similarities in our outward appearance, you were quietly moulding me on the inside with the character traits and values that would set me up for life. A set of ethics, beliefs and morals that would create the man I am proud to be and the Father my sons deserve.

Thank you.

Thank you for every single minute. Now don't get me wrong, there were frustrating times and you were quite the ass sometimes. 😉 These times were so infrequent though, and when I look back with the clarity of maturity, I see only positivity and support.

Unlike a lot of Fathers, you were ever present. Always involved. Always part of my life. Your steady guidance created a confidence in me that forever convinces me that there is nothing in this world I cannot achieve. You made my horizons limitless. What an awesome gift for a child.

You taught me it's important to contribute. To give back. You taught me that it's important to have values and not be afraid to defend them. My eloquence and ease at public speaking was inspired by you. It has become an important definer in my life and has allowed me to fully explore every leadership opportunity that has come along. So many fear leadership. You do not and I have inherited that lack of fear.

You love your children and at 76 they are still ever present in your thoughts. Yes I know you pull the whole Godfather thing, but deep down you worry, you care, you provide. Your support for Simon and Sarah in recent years as they have faced toil and heartbreak has been inspiring. I aspire to be that man.

I have followed your lead and try to be the Father my boys need in every way. I feel you on my shoulder guiding me, whispering advice, pointing me in the right direction. It's amazing.

Now that we are Brother Masons our bond is even deeper. We have both made promises, commitments and obligations that define us as men committed to be better men. You are my Brother and my Father - and in each way you continue to mould my life for good.

So on this Father's Day, I want to say thank you for all the world to hear. I owe so much of my life to your love and your love fills me with a warm confidence none can shake.

If I can be half the Father to my boys that you were, and are, to me, then I will feel I have done a great job.

I aspire to be the Man you are. Thank you Dad.

One last thing.....while I am not apologizing for every 'minor disagreement' we may have had 😉, there was an incident, probably 12 years ago, where I dropped the F bomb. It was crass and disrespectful and you deserved more respect. I'm sorry for behaving like a brat. Love me?

The ABCs of BCAs

Learning has always come easy for me. Mathematical principles would stick immediately, historical dates would be easily recalled, and the scientific theories that have subsequently helped me build my career were readily applied. My propensity to procrastinate was mitigated by my ability to cram revise the night before an exam. With all those strengths, however, I could not explain basic algebra to my sister when we were at school. My sister was far from stupid. In fact she is a very intelligent woman who has gone on to have a very successful career herself. I could see the solution with clarity but could i get her to see it? No! I guess I had not developed the patience to understand how she saw the math problem....to see the world through her eyes.....or was I just a bad teacher?

When the boys came along I relished the chance to teach them about their world. It became very obvious very soon that things would not go off as planned! 😊 Zack was infuriating - so knowledgeable, so able to grab concepts, a whiz at math and science....but would he write any of it down? Hell no! Learning was about thinking and touching and tasting - who needs a pencil for that?! He hated to read and, as a consequence, didn't allow his teachers to give him the credit he deserved. But what did he care? He was sucking in the world and all its wonders on his terms. He had a plan and that's all that mattered. He had since learned to play the game out of necessity, but given a choice he'd rather not. Why play by the rules when you can make new ones?

Logan - beautiful wonderful Logan. As I look back I feel anger and frustration about the challenges this boy had to face in silence. How he was judged and labeled. How we all missed what was so obvious. I'll carry that guilt for a while. His reading lagged below grade, and as a result so did everything else. Add in a speech delay, and some teachers who destroyed what little self confidence he had, and he struggled.....he struggled a lot. We were confused. We were worried.

I had never contemplated a child who wasn't book smart. Pretty frickin arrogant I know, but true nonetheless. I'm embarrassed. I tried my best, but I admit it was very hard to keep trying. I never stopped being supportive - he's my boy after all - but I felt I had failed him. I had failed to do what THIS Father should have been able to do.

At the beginning of this year Logan's Mother and I went back to basics - reading with Logan every night. Kids in early grades do this but kids in Grade 8? Logan, to his immense credit and humility, embraced it. Progress was still slow, however. There was still something missing. It was incredibly frustrating.

And then finally we had our answer. After years of silent struggle, Logi was finally diagnosed as having dyseidetic dyslexia - basically he has to relearn words every time he sees them. I can only imagine how it must have felt to be brow beaten about your inability to recognize words you had just learned. With the dam finally breached, the waves of support have just flooded out. Logi has dealt with it in the way he normally does - taking it all in his stride and cautiously waiting for what it all means. It takes more than a few promises to tear down the wall of low self confidence he has built up over the years.

Since the diagnosis I / we have redoubled our efforts, exploring different learning strategies, trying to see things through his eyes. It's been both humbling and amazingly rewarding. It has literally changed my life. Logi has opened up a window for me that I thought had long closed tight. His humility and strength to confront his own vulnerability has inspired me to change how I learn, how I teach, how I approach life. The kid who couldn't learn has taught me to teach.

Last week he told me that he learns math better with me than with his math teacher. My heart exploded with pride. What an amazing Father's Day gift!

As for Logi Bear, well watch out world! This kid has super powers, tenacity and an open heart. He is going to conquer the world on his terms. After all he managed to teach this old dog a new trick!

Over Easy

I had lunch with a very dear friend yesterday. Isn't it amazing how such deep bonds can form so quickly? But I digress. While we were catching up she told me about something that had happened to her a few days earlier. As she was exiting a grocery store she was met by a couple and their little boy also exiting the store. The little boy was carrying a bouquet of flowers and my friend quickly made the assumption they were for his mother.

She was wrong.

The little boy walked up to my friend and handed her the flowers. Although quite touched, she initially refused the flowers, but on their further insistence she accepted them. The flowers it turns out were to memorialize the couple's son who had passed a year earlier. This was their way of using a tragic loss to spread love in this world. Little did they know that my friend is also grieving the loss of her son, somewhat more recently though. So as a result of this single act of kindness, the sun shone bright on two families sharing the same loss and the sadness was lifted for a few golden moments. What an awesome gift to give.

As I get older (I turn 50 on Sunday), I myself have had somewhat of an epiphany. Now I am very far from perfect, but I have decided that I have the ability to shine light and happiness into this world as opposed to submitting to the dismal gloom that seems to have a stranglehold on our society. We are surrounded by institutions where respectful discourse has now degenerated into violent interactions. Our first instinct is to close off and demand what's in it for me. Men behave like oafs and slobs instead of gentlemen and women have tainted their noble quest for equality by lowering and not maintaining the behaviours that make a woman a lady. We have entered this death spiral of believing there is only one way to achieve our goals - selfishness, division, anger and isolation. Things have got to change!

The good news is that it will cost you nothing more than time and a commitment to integrity. Time to think how will that person be impacted by my actions? Time to think before you speak. Time to interact with people with no other goal than spreading friendship. Time to be with your children and mold them. Time to listen, listen and listen some more. Time to find the win win without being forced to sacrifice your beliefs and values. The integrity to live those values when it gets hard....when doing the right thing is the most difficult.

Now before you worry about me, no I'm not turning into a liberal progressive! I am, however, committed to leaving this life with the knowledge that I have tried to bring a smile where only darkness prevailed. I challenge you to do the same.....

Perspective

Drifting on a diamond road,

Sometimes forward, sometimes back

But always moving.

Progress slow, obstacles strewn,

Feet feeling like they're drowning

In the silent dune.

Starlight blinking on and off,

Dark moon swirling

Cuts it off.

Every gust that hits face on,

Every stumble that bends the knee;

Feels like eternal catastrophe.

It's hard to see the road ahead

When all around

Encourages dread.

It's hard to see the world is round

When numbing pain

And flatness surround.

But take my hand and fly with me

Above the clouds,

See what I see.

See the journey, see the train

Watch the faces

Relieved of pain.

Tis true the road is long,

And many on her dampened streets

Together in pain do throng.

But long ago when steps were new

And daunting mounts

Were all you knew.

The road was longer, steeper, course

It's winding turns

A witches curse.

Now shines longer the sun's warm stroke

As she dries the tears

That once drowned hope.

Heralding loud a dream renewed

Blossoms smiling

On a soul refilled.

So don't be darkened by distress

Don't let despair

Your soul undress.

Believe in you, your wonder bold

Believe in everything

That will make you whole.

Believe that the days ahead

Will be garnished with beauty

And held in stead.

Take my hand and grasp it tight

And trust my eyes

To give you sight.

To guide the way and bolster high

Until the time

When love takes flight.

A Father's Love, The Love of a Father

I was told I was a great Dad today. Those words never grow old. As my boys grow older and start to enter their own manhood, my role will change from protector to coach, from provider to friend, and eventually, hopefully, the man they will come to when they need advice. I think I'm ready. I hope they think I am too.

Don't get me wrong, I want to hang on to these wonder years as long as possible. I love the hugs, the kisses and the reliance. It's a great ego boost after all! I'm very much aware, however, that my boys are becoming men; the good and honourable men I always knew they would become.

Good hearts; such good hearts. One full of confidence and sarcasm; the other still building the faith in himself his mother and I, and all those that truly know and love him, know he so justly deserves to feel. Kind hearts, aware of others and blessed with the spirit of sharing. Welcoming of difference and fierce defenders of what is right, true and fair. OK, maybe Logi did earn the name Silent Ninja for a reason, but deep down this boy would defend truth with his life. It's one of his most amazing qualities.

You hear of some families where the word love is seldom heard. Families where the warm and soothing blanket of a cuddle is rationed and withheld. How could somebody frown connection with a life they have helped to create / mould? It makes me sad to think of children growing up in environments where love does not overflow every heart. Sometimes it even makes me cry. I hear of fathers who desert their children and I can't fathom how one could do that. How could you not want to feel the love of your child(ren) every day? Every hour? Every second? It is so foreign to me.

When God blessed me with two boys I knew how important my role was and how important it would become. I was able to look back at my own childhood and see the wonderful way in which my Father had prepared me to be a man: the love; the open displays of affection; the encouragement, the discipline; the stability; the provision. In short, the gift of freedom with security, the gift of wonder without fear, the gift of love without limit, and the gift of hope for a life to be fully lived. How wonderful is that?

I owe that man so much.

I can only hope to give my boys the same gifts he gave me.

25 Minutes to Houston

Flying is always a reflective time for me. Don't get me wrong, I do my fair share of movie watching, snoozing and snacking whilst on board, but something about being up so high just seems to trip something in my brain. I think deep meaningful thoughts, I write poetry, I get incredibly emotional and, as now, sometimes I feel compelled to write stuff down.

Maybe it's because I feel closer to God up here; maybe it's because flying brings its own reality check on how life can so easily be taken away; or maybe in the silence of a crowd of people stuffed in a metal tube you finally have the time to tune out the world of stress, hurt, pain and unhappiness that seems to plague most of our lives and finally really appreciate what you have. It's a very liberating experience for me and invariably includes silent tears and red eyes.

The truth is my life is blessed. I have people I love and people who love me. People who I rely upon and people that rely upon me. Sure there is stress and pain and fear and I don't mean to downplay that......but a simple 'I love you Daddy' reminds every hour of every day that my life is pretty damn good. I have a family that I fall in love with more each day. Brothers who I love and inspire me. A sister who is a shining example of love, caring and strength. A mother who guided me in the womb and has never stopped guiding me in how to love and how to embrace the wonders of this world. A Father who I grow more like each day and in all the best ways. A Father who makes me proud to be the man I am. Pretty cool huh?

I have friends who love and like me. Friends who chide me when I need to be, validate me when I need it, and also friends that accept me for the  very complicated but simple man I am.....and some really special friends who do all three and more!

I'm blathering but I won't apologize. This is me. These are my thoughts. These are things that keep me smiling every day and drinking from the glass that is half full and ready to be topped up whenever you get a spare minute. ;)

Happy flying.....,don't forget your tissues!

S

A Week in the Trenches

(Guest Post by Zachary du Kamp)

May 8 1940

1000hours

Dear log

I have been in the trenches for days. My dugout is almost full; there are too many people. The Germans have attacked Poland and I have been told that we aren't too far from being their next target. They brought tanks and flak guns. I've been told that they are fast shooting anti-infantry artillery guns. They told us not to fear.

1700hours

A new division has come to support us. I fear the worst. France is mobilizing and I’m in the front lines.

May 9 1940

1300hours

Dear log

My best friend joined my squad; I was both thrilled and scared. I tried to tell him to go home but he said he can’t. When I asked him why; he just pointed. Then I saw the anti-air guns fire. With 3 shots I saw it spiral and smoke. I saw it was Germans. A thought rushed through my mind…..my friends were gone. My brother was gone.

2000hours

There were a few more planes shot down. There was a full tank squad coming in 2 days. A scout saw a German artillery emplacement. When we heard the news my friend ran into our dugout and found a foot of water in it.

May 10 1940

1100hours

Dear log

There was an artillery barrage for 3 hours. My hands are shaking and I can’t feel my feet. It’s been raining for hours. I am lucky; I wasn’t hit by artillery fire or one of the tank shards. The squad commander was. He was killed instantly. I am scared for my life and wishing I didn’t sign up, but I am the leader now so I must hold it together.

1800hours

My friend was shot in the arm today during the second German offensive. I got captured in the process of getting him up. He tried to get through but he was shot in the chest. He told me to carry on before I was pulled away. I saw the rest of my division get mowed down by armored cars.

May 13 1940

Time unknown

Dear log

I arrived at the P.O.W. camp to find they were full. I got processes by them and got sent to Poland. I was lucky to keep this journal during the process. I may be in and out for a few days, or weeks. But I will try to keep in touch every day.

May 14 1940

1100hours

Dear log

Today I heard that there will be a fresh shipment of prisoners. They’ve held me in the cell all day. Except when I got interrogated. It’s much colder in here than the trenches and much louder. There are men and women and the occasional child

screaming and crying. It feels dreadful.

1900hours

It’s worse than I imagined. There are less people there than when I got here. I have heard about these places; they’re cold, wet and a killing zone.

May 15 1940

1000hours

Dear log

Three more people from my division have come to this prison. I feel sad for them but also happy because they have a letter from my brother, It tells me that our home town was destroyed, but they made it out. My brother has also told me that they made a line of resistance just before Paris. I am happy that my family will live for a few more days.

200hours

They have interrogated me again. This time they were a bit rougher. One of the Officers struck me in the head. I still feel light headed. I overheard a German say that they have taken Paris with little resistance; I fear that France will fall. Canada has taken in French people. I hope my family has gone.