An Open Letter to my Dad on Father's Day

Being told I looked like you began at an early age. It was a natural thing to say when Steven looked so much like the milkman's, but I digress. It frustrated me, as one would expect for every kid growing up. Little did I know that while I was silently brooding over the similarities in our outward appearance, you were quietly moulding me on the inside with the character traits and values that would set me up for life. A set of ethics, beliefs and morals that would create the man I am proud to be and the Father my sons deserve.

Thank you.

Thank you for every single minute. Now don't get me wrong, there were frustrating times and you were quite the ass sometimes. 😉 These times were so infrequent though, and when I look back with the clarity of maturity, I see only positivity and support.

Unlike a lot of Fathers, you were ever present. Always involved. Always part of my life. Your steady guidance created a confidence in me that forever convinces me that there is nothing in this world I cannot achieve. You made my horizons limitless. What an awesome gift for a child.

You taught me it's important to contribute. To give back. You taught me that it's important to have values and not be afraid to defend them. My eloquence and ease at public speaking was inspired by you. It has become an important definer in my life and has allowed me to fully explore every leadership opportunity that has come along. So many fear leadership. You do not and I have inherited that lack of fear.

You love your children and at 76 they are still ever present in your thoughts. Yes I know you pull the whole Godfather thing, but deep down you worry, you care, you provide. Your support for Simon and Sarah in recent years as they have faced toil and heartbreak has been inspiring. I aspire to be that man.

I have followed your lead and try to be the Father my boys need in every way. I feel you on my shoulder guiding me, whispering advice, pointing me in the right direction. It's amazing.

Now that we are Brother Masons our bond is even deeper. We have both made promises, commitments and obligations that define us as men committed to be better men. You are my Brother and my Father - and in each way you continue to mould my life for good.

So on this Father's Day, I want to say thank you for all the world to hear. I owe so much of my life to your love and your love fills me with a warm confidence none can shake.

If I can be half the Father to my boys that you were, and are, to me, then I will feel I have done a great job.

I aspire to be the Man you are. Thank you Dad.

One last thing.....while I am not apologizing for every 'minor disagreement' we may have had 😉, there was an incident, probably 12 years ago, where I dropped the F bomb. It was crass and disrespectful and you deserved more respect. I'm sorry for behaving like a brat. Love me?

The ABCs of BCAs

Learning has always come easy for me. Mathematical principles would stick immediately, historical dates would be easily recalled, and the scientific theories that have subsequently helped me build my career were readily applied. My propensity to procrastinate was mitigated by my ability to cram revise the night before an exam. With all those strengths, however, I could not explain basic algebra to my sister when we were at school. My sister was far from stupid. In fact she is a very intelligent woman who has gone on to have a very successful career herself. I could see the solution with clarity but could i get her to see it? No! I guess I had not developed the patience to understand how she saw the math problem....to see the world through her eyes.....or was I just a bad teacher?

When the boys came along I relished the chance to teach them about their world. It became very obvious very soon that things would not go off as planned! 😊 Zack was infuriating - so knowledgeable, so able to grab concepts, a whiz at math and science....but would he write any of it down? Hell no! Learning was about thinking and touching and tasting - who needs a pencil for that?! He hated to read and, as a consequence, didn't allow his teachers to give him the credit he deserved. But what did he care? He was sucking in the world and all its wonders on his terms. He had a plan and that's all that mattered. He had since learned to play the game out of necessity, but given a choice he'd rather not. Why play by the rules when you can make new ones?

Logan - beautiful wonderful Logan. As I look back I feel anger and frustration about the challenges this boy had to face in silence. How he was judged and labeled. How we all missed what was so obvious. I'll carry that guilt for a while. His reading lagged below grade, and as a result so did everything else. Add in a speech delay, and some teachers who destroyed what little self confidence he had, and he struggled.....he struggled a lot. We were confused. We were worried.

I had never contemplated a child who wasn't book smart. Pretty frickin arrogant I know, but true nonetheless. I'm embarrassed. I tried my best, but I admit it was very hard to keep trying. I never stopped being supportive - he's my boy after all - but I felt I had failed him. I had failed to do what THIS Father should have been able to do.

At the beginning of this year Logan's Mother and I went back to basics - reading with Logan every night. Kids in early grades do this but kids in Grade 8? Logan, to his immense credit and humility, embraced it. Progress was still slow, however. There was still something missing. It was incredibly frustrating.

And then finally we had our answer. After years of silent struggle, Logi was finally diagnosed as having dyseidetic dyslexia - basically he has to relearn words every time he sees them. I can only imagine how it must have felt to be brow beaten about your inability to recognize words you had just learned. With the dam finally breached, the waves of support have just flooded out. Logi has dealt with it in the way he normally does - taking it all in his stride and cautiously waiting for what it all means. It takes more than a few promises to tear down the wall of low self confidence he has built up over the years.

Since the diagnosis I / we have redoubled our efforts, exploring different learning strategies, trying to see things through his eyes. It's been both humbling and amazingly rewarding. It has literally changed my life. Logi has opened up a window for me that I thought had long closed tight. His humility and strength to confront his own vulnerability has inspired me to change how I learn, how I teach, how I approach life. The kid who couldn't learn has taught me to teach.

Last week he told me that he learns math better with me than with his math teacher. My heart exploded with pride. What an amazing Father's Day gift!

As for Logi Bear, well watch out world! This kid has super powers, tenacity and an open heart. He is going to conquer the world on his terms. After all he managed to teach this old dog a new trick!

Over Easy

I had lunch with a very dear friend yesterday. Isn't it amazing how such deep bonds can form so quickly? But I digress. While we were catching up she told me about something that had happened to her a few days earlier. As she was exiting a grocery store she was met by a couple and their little boy also exiting the store. The little boy was carrying a bouquet of flowers and my friend quickly made the assumption they were for his mother.

She was wrong.

The little boy walked up to my friend and handed her the flowers. Although quite touched, she initially refused the flowers, but on their further insistence she accepted them. The flowers it turns out were to memorialize the couple's son who had passed a year earlier. This was their way of using a tragic loss to spread love in this world. Little did they know that my friend is also grieving the loss of her son, somewhat more recently though. So as a result of this single act of kindness, the sun shone bright on two families sharing the same loss and the sadness was lifted for a few golden moments. What an awesome gift to give.

As I get older (I turn 50 on Sunday), I myself have had somewhat of an epiphany. Now I am very far from perfect, but I have decided that I have the ability to shine light and happiness into this world as opposed to submitting to the dismal gloom that seems to have a stranglehold on our society. We are surrounded by institutions where respectful discourse has now degenerated into violent interactions. Our first instinct is to close off and demand what's in it for me. Men behave like oafs and slobs instead of gentlemen and women have tainted their noble quest for equality by lowering and not maintaining the behaviours that make a woman a lady. We have entered this death spiral of believing there is only one way to achieve our goals - selfishness, division, anger and isolation. Things have got to change!

The good news is that it will cost you nothing more than time and a commitment to integrity. Time to think how will that person be impacted by my actions? Time to think before you speak. Time to interact with people with no other goal than spreading friendship. Time to be with your children and mold them. Time to listen, listen and listen some more. Time to find the win win without being forced to sacrifice your beliefs and values. The integrity to live those values when it gets hard....when doing the right thing is the most difficult.

Now before you worry about me, no I'm not turning into a liberal progressive! I am, however, committed to leaving this life with the knowledge that I have tried to bring a smile where only darkness prevailed. I challenge you to do the same.....