25 Minutes to Houston

Flying is always a reflective time for me. Don't get me wrong, I do my fair share of movie watching, snoozing and snacking whilst on board, but something about being up so high just seems to trip something in my brain. I think deep meaningful thoughts, I write poetry, I get incredibly emotional and, as now, sometimes I feel compelled to write stuff down.

Maybe it's because I feel closer to God up here; maybe it's because flying brings its own reality check on how life can so easily be taken away; or maybe in the silence of a crowd of people stuffed in a metal tube you finally have the time to tune out the world of stress, hurt, pain and unhappiness that seems to plague most of our lives and finally really appreciate what you have. It's a very liberating experience for me and invariably includes silent tears and red eyes.

The truth is my life is blessed. I have people I love and people who love me. People who I rely upon and people that rely upon me. Sure there is stress and pain and fear and I don't mean to downplay that......but a simple 'I love you Daddy' reminds every hour of every day that my life is pretty damn good. I have a family that I fall in love with more each day. Brothers who I love and inspire me. A sister who is a shining example of love, caring and strength. A mother who guided me in the womb and has never stopped guiding me in how to love and how to embrace the wonders of this world. A Father who I grow more like each day and in all the best ways. A Father who makes me proud to be the man I am. Pretty cool huh?

I have friends who love and like me. Friends who chide me when I need to be, validate me when I need it, and also friends that accept me for the  very complicated but simple man I am.....and some really special friends who do all three and more!

I'm blathering but I won't apologize. This is me. These are my thoughts. These are things that keep me smiling every day and drinking from the glass that is half full and ready to be topped up whenever you get a spare minute. ;)

Happy flying.....,don't forget your tissues!

S

A Week in the Trenches

(Guest Post by Zachary du Kamp)

May 8 1940

1000hours

Dear log

I have been in the trenches for days. My dugout is almost full; there are too many people. The Germans have attacked Poland and I have been told that we aren't too far from being their next target. They brought tanks and flak guns. I've been told that they are fast shooting anti-infantry artillery guns. They told us not to fear.

1700hours

A new division has come to support us. I fear the worst. France is mobilizing and I’m in the front lines.

May 9 1940

1300hours

Dear log

My best friend joined my squad; I was both thrilled and scared. I tried to tell him to go home but he said he can’t. When I asked him why; he just pointed. Then I saw the anti-air guns fire. With 3 shots I saw it spiral and smoke. I saw it was Germans. A thought rushed through my mind…..my friends were gone. My brother was gone.

2000hours

There were a few more planes shot down. There was a full tank squad coming in 2 days. A scout saw a German artillery emplacement. When we heard the news my friend ran into our dugout and found a foot of water in it.

May 10 1940

1100hours

Dear log

There was an artillery barrage for 3 hours. My hands are shaking and I can’t feel my feet. It’s been raining for hours. I am lucky; I wasn’t hit by artillery fire or one of the tank shards. The squad commander was. He was killed instantly. I am scared for my life and wishing I didn’t sign up, but I am the leader now so I must hold it together.

1800hours

My friend was shot in the arm today during the second German offensive. I got captured in the process of getting him up. He tried to get through but he was shot in the chest. He told me to carry on before I was pulled away. I saw the rest of my division get mowed down by armored cars.

May 13 1940

Time unknown

Dear log

I arrived at the P.O.W. camp to find they were full. I got processes by them and got sent to Poland. I was lucky to keep this journal during the process. I may be in and out for a few days, or weeks. But I will try to keep in touch every day.

May 14 1940

1100hours

Dear log

Today I heard that there will be a fresh shipment of prisoners. They’ve held me in the cell all day. Except when I got interrogated. It’s much colder in here than the trenches and much louder. There are men and women and the occasional child

screaming and crying. It feels dreadful.

1900hours

It’s worse than I imagined. There are less people there than when I got here. I have heard about these places; they’re cold, wet and a killing zone.

May 15 1940

1000hours

Dear log

Three more people from my division have come to this prison. I feel sad for them but also happy because they have a letter from my brother, It tells me that our home town was destroyed, but they made it out. My brother has also told me that they made a line of resistance just before Paris. I am happy that my family will live for a few more days.

200hours

They have interrogated me again. This time they were a bit rougher. One of the Officers struck me in the head. I still feel light headed. I overheard a German say that they have taken Paris with little resistance; I fear that France will fall. Canada has taken in French people. I hope my family has gone.

                                 

Under Singapore Skies

Chasing the night,

Anxious to see the dawn,

Yet comfortable in the warmth of darkness.

Reflective in silent solitude.

Remembering the past,

Savouring the present,

A nervous yet electrifying anticipation for the future.

Sometimes it’s hard to find the words.

The words to capture the love.

The words to express the calm.

They roll around my head,

Seeking their release.

Permission to dance across the page.

Desperately trying to draw this picture.

A rebirth or a reunion?

A clean slate?

Or an addition to an already familiar rhythm?

Bonds strengthened.

Defenses lowered.

The true soul bared without fear.

A tearful goodbye

Smothered incompletely

By male bravado.

The description neither matters nor devalues.

Warmth.

Love.

Respect.

Honour.

All under Singapore skies.

The Sunflower

Stand like a sunflower he said,

Reach for the sun

Whenever you can.

Spread your petals,

Drink in the warmth‎ and

Never cease chasing;

Dreams of love,

Dreams of comfort,

Dreams of all you desire.

There will be sallow days,

Days of pain and anger,

And days when end is easier.

‎There will be days of hurt,

Days of lost direction,

Clouds and storms surrounding.

But those days will end,

And the breaking morn will beam

It's rays of hope and peace.

A new ‎dawn is coming!

A new era about to break!

The battles won and distant.

Draw from your deepest place

The strength to change,

The strength to breathe new life.

Douse self doubt,

Cast out a defeated soul.

Devour the love surrounding,

‎Seep it through your skin.

Course it through your very veins,

This gift of kith and kin.

And grow tall my love,

Your face turned toward the light,

And like a sunflower, he said,

Reflect it big and bright!

The Heart Weeps

The heart weeps
The body creaks
All feels lost in confusion.
The flame so low
A distant glow
Flickering almost failing.
A world of ache
Strong will to break?
Looking for a reason.
To toil ever onward
Driving forward
To make it to the end.
Find strength my love
In God above
And all your friends surrounding.
Succumb to faith
Rejoice in love
And know that these provide
The will to win
To see the goal
To never die within.
When love seems blind
And so unkind
Take solace in the giving.
Take rest, be nurtured
Feed your soul
And look towards the future.
Feel my arms in yours
My heart surrounding
My soul a shield protection.
Dry your tears on me
And you will see
That two can combine
To lead the way
And end dismay
The power of love surpassing.

The Kiss of the Wind

Don't look too hard......

The Kiss of the Wind

That breeze you feel on a warm May day

As you wander down the lane,

That touch of comfort that soothes your heart

And drives away the pain.

That brief respite, a moment's lull,

A leap from the abyss,

That feeling of a memory gold;

Bathe in my summer's kiss.

I may not touch you with my flesh

My arms may not entwine,

But that wind's caress my dear

Is my soul forever thine.

We may no longer walk hand in hand,

No words, yet volumes spoken

For in your mind our thoughts run paired,

A true love never forsaken.

Run up that hill, scale that wall,

Live your life with all your being!

Because you my love, my Angel Girl

Must fight hard and keep on living.

For in that act, my heart still beats

My soul on yours still dancing.

A diamond dream, a destiny borne

An eternity of joy romancing.

I feel your pain, I watch your tears

Through long nights never ending.

I see your heart weighed down with grief,

I see your knees a-bending.

But rise my love, let demons fly

Think not of me with sorrow.

Reach in and grasp those memories deep,

Take my hand and with it borrow

The strength you need to rise above

And reach for higher ground,

Remember my smile, my touch, my taste

And let love and joy abound.

I may not lie there in early morn

When the bed no longer feels

That warm support, a refuge strong

To ward off all life's ills.

But that breeze that spreads a tingle

And never will it's target miss

That my darling is my warm embrace,

My everlasting kiss.

Goodnight Baby Boy

'Goodnight Baby Boy'

'Daddy, I'm not a baby anymore, I'm eleven'

So ricocheted the words from my eldest son's lips last Saturday at bedtime. We had said our prayers and his (vast array of pillows) were aligned in a haphazard, yet perfectly aligned, manner. His favourite blanky cocooned his body and my goodnight kisses still tingled on his face. The night light was on (despite the vocal protestations of his brother some 30 minutes earlier before he had submitted to sleep) and we had said our prayers. I seem to recall a discussion on why the Queen of England shouldn't be the Queen of Canada (I am raising an eco-terrorist-anti-monarchist).....a discussion conducted despite losing consciousness momentarily because of the cheese like emanations from his feet. His clothes lay strewn across the floor and his coat that he had been reminded three times to hang up, wasn't.

Earlier that day we had walked hand in hand across the parking lot before entering the grocery store. Even earlier, I had requested and received a public kiss.....horror of horrors!....and not just a peck on the cheek I might add! It had been a big 'ole wet lip smacker followed by guffaws of laughter as I had to dry my face!
Around 11pm the night before a bleary eyed eleven year old had stumbled into my room seeking solace and comfort after a bad dream. We had sat and rocked together for a good 15 minutes, after which I had sucked out any remaining bad dreams from his head (a la The Green Mile), before returning him to the comfort of his bed. He, of course, had no memory of these events the following morning.

See, despite his most fervent self proclamations, my Man-Child of eleven years old isn't quite ready to cast aside the mantle of 'baby boy'. When he is either at his most vulnerable, or when the warm grasp of his Father's hand is a welcome home, the little man reverts back to being a baby boy.

And I love it.

I don't think I will ever be ready to say 'goodbye' to my baby boys. I'll watch as they get taller, grow whiskers and become the wonderful men i know they will be. I'll watch Zachary as he tries to understand this world and balance compassion with directness. I'll watch Logan as he strives to find order in an ever changing world. I'll watch them love and be loved. I'll watch them bring light to the lives of others. But as I do, always, always looking at me will be the eyes of my baby boys.

I will still see the wide eyed wonder, the inquisitive mind, the delicious directness and the compassionate hand that were gifted to Zachary at his birth.

I will still see the deep and warm heart, the desire to serve and the strength to hold firm to a belief that was gifted to Logan at his birth.

I will still see my baby boys.

So get used to it Zachary.....and you too Logi Bear! You will always be my baby boys and there isn't anything you can do about it. Now come over here and give your Old Man a big wet smoochy woochy kiss.