I Choose

 

Maybe I write too much,

When others have moved on?

Maybe I talk too much,

Creating noise where silence should reign?

I cannot tell you how to feel,

As much as I cannot tell myself

To stop feeling.

If I could,

Would I?

Because not feeling,

Not talking,

Not writing,

Would make my memories of you

Dimmer,

Lesser,

And that would crater my heart.

So, I choose to feel,

I choose to talk,

I choose to write.

And with every word,

Every letter, every syllable,

And every sound,

My memories of you warm me,

Guide me,

Comfort me.

A world without you,

A world with no memory of you,

Is as far from comfort

As hope is from despair.

So, I write, I talk, and I feel

So that I don't forget you;

Not any part of you.

Because I am you.

I am of you, and from you.

Your love created me

As much as any DNA.

I know you are not here,

But that doesn't mean you are gone.

I know that your voice

Will now only ever whisper in my mind.

I know that although not present,

Your presence will always surround me.

Because a person only dies,

When we stop calling their name;

And so, I choose to write, to talk, and

To say your name,

Because I choose to keep you,

Living in my heart.

The Setting Sun

 

Four months ago my Dad said goodnight,

But didn't wake up.

Four months ago he slipped away,

Peacefully entering his long house.

The voice of the man who had set the bar

Against which all Fathers will forever be measured,

Would now only be heard

In the silent whispers my mind plays in stereo.

But words of consequence will always

Find a way to hit their mark.

Wisdom knows its purpose.

I had convinced myself that

The warmth of our final resolution

Would fashion a gentle landing.

But truth be told,

Those thoughts so fresh and bold,

Could only shield a heart for so long.

Loss can be felt in so many ways,

Yet every way is consuming,

Taking you to places

Where sadness reigns and rains.

No words of comfort can ever fill

The chasm that absence has created;

And yet their gentleness

Can help you build the bridge

That lifts you above the void.

I have learned to succumb

To the winding road of grief;

To conquer this emotional rollercoaster,

Emerging with the hope

That understanding will fashion healing.

His voice often whispers to me

In silent moments of reflection.

Words of strength and love.

Words that guide and nurture.

Words that drive me forward,

Onward, ever onward,

Until I will face my own setting sun.

I Miss You Dad

 

I miss you Dad.

I miss talking to you on the phone,

Even when you couldn't hear me.

I miss the quiet confidence 

Of knowing  you'd always pick up.

I miss hearing the wisdom

Borne of a thousand conversations.

I miss hearing that change in tone

As you spoke about your girl.

I miss seeing you

Hold the door.

I miss the comfort of having you

Always in my court.

I miss sparring with the man

Who taught me how to think.

I miss the blanket of love

That encased each and every second.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I love you.

The Letter

 

He wrote me a letter,

His last goodbye.

He wrote me a letter;

Final words to help me fly.

I've tried to picture that day,

When pen was put to paper.

Imagined what was in his heart;

This immense man and mentor.

I've read the words so many times,

Traced the words across his lips.

Sunk completely under their spell,

Protection against the slip.

A man of sixty years,

Transformed into a child once more,

Hanging on every word,

Guided by life's pure score.

Every word of truth hit deep,

The centre found its arrow.

Emotions crafted in love divine,

A shield against the sorrow.

The pride, the love, the challenge;

The joy, the path, a reminder.

The bond created from obligation,

To live a life of honour.

Words wrapped in pure love,

And topped with a crowning bill.

A message for a lifetime,

A purpose to fulfil.

Words now forever etched,

Clear in their direction and part.

A gift of endless strength,

To comfort an aching heart.

Super day Dad!

Just super beyond compare!

Each future dawn will bring me light,

Because you were always there.

I love you.